install
   
+ Lemon Clouds (cheesecake fat bomb). Keeping cravings at bay.

Lemon Clouds (cheesecake fat bomb). Keeping cravings at bay.

Posted 3 hours ago. Tagged with Show all posts tagged with "noms".noms, .

Quite possibly the best playlist ever. Today I lost the mental battle about whether or not to go to the gym after work.  I was just exhausted and felt like crap.  On my drive home I was so pissed off and disgusted with myself I basically started crying.  Um yeah.  What. 

+ Dinner: salmon burger, green beans (kerrygold butter and kosher salt), homemade strawberry kombucha

Dinner: salmon burger, green beans (kerrygold butter and kosher salt), homemade strawberry kombucha

Posted 4 hours ago. Tagged with Show all posts tagged with "noms".noms, .
+ Uber fluffy scrambled eggs (chef ramsay style hah!) with a little bit of mozzarella and hot sauce. Pan fried baby portabellas. 

Cup is for you guys tumblr.  All of your comments on my last post have me feeling very loved this morning.  Thank you!! Thank you!!

Uber fluffy scrambled eggs (chef ramsay style hah!) with a little bit of mozzarella and hot sauce. Pan fried baby portabellas.

Cup is for you guys tumblr. All of your comments on my last post have me feeling very loved this morning. Thank you!! Thank you!!

Posted 14 hours ago. Tagged with Show all posts tagged with "noms".noms, .
reality vs my brain.

So I don’t talk about it a lot on here, but my eating disordered past rears its ugly head every once in a while.  Below you’ll see just a few examples of the multiple triggers from this past weekend. The reality side was still pretty harsh, and it always is, as my relationship with my sister isn’t the greatest for this very reason. Being smaller than me is the one thing that she likes to hold over me.  It’s her way of getting back at me for the fact that I’m successful in many other facets of my life. My brain can turn these already horrible statements into even worse ones and it’s taken a lot of strength not to fall back into those disordered tendencies after a weekend like this.  I’m not out of the woods yet … those words still sting.  I’m trying to forget them.

"You and your sisters all look so vastly different. Different hair. Different facial features. Different body types …"

Different body types … as in I have the fat body type right?  That’s what he must mean. That’s definitely what he’s hinting at.

"I have some clothes to give you. They’re all wayyyyy too big for me now."

I’m skinny and you’re fat so they’ll fit you.

**He points to my sisters pooch, slightly visible underneath her very fitted dress** ”You definitley didn’t have that when you moved out here.” My sister became visibly upset and at dinner she didn’t have much of an appetite. 

If he’s calling my sister fat then I must be a whale.  What I wouldn’t give to be as small as my sister right now.  I would be such a faster hiker and runner. Maybe my joints wouldn’t hurt. Fuck I’m such a failure.

**He says to my sister after the above exchange** “You basically starved yourself for like a month and lost all that weight before you moved out here…”

If my sister can starve herself and lose weight, why can’t I do that? I am so weak. I have no self control.

"Well at least I’m not fat like you."

Well at least I’m not pathetic, ugly, disgusting, and fat like you. 

"Well at least I have a boyfriend."

I don’t have a boyfriend because I’m fat. 

Yeah.  This is what I’m dealing with.  :/ I know I’m better than this.

hehehehe.  This is what I read on monday nights … 

Posted 1 day ago.
5 random things
  1. I went to catholic school, preK-8th grade. My family really couldn’t afford it but my mom wanted me to have a better education than she got in public school.  I was bullied pretty bad but damn was I smart.
  2. I’ve only had one boyfriend.
  3. I know all the words to the Wild Thornberries opening monologue. 
  4. I was a very misbehaved child for my parents but an angel for strangers. One year my brothers and I snuck up into the attic and stomped on all of the glass christmas ornaments for fun. I’m pretty sure it was all my idea.
  5. I’m the oldest of 6 kids.  I think most of you know that .. but in case you didn’t, now you do. I played a huge role in raising my siblings after my parents got divorced, my nana died, and my mom starting having serious health and mental illness problems. 

I’m tagging twentythreetolife, amyyyela, angeldrinkstea, thehomecookrunner, and stephsaysgo

Posted 1 day ago.

panicatthedanetrain:

Things I DO NOT want:

  • Another pretty face
  • Just anyone to hold
  • My love to go to waste

Things I DO want:

  • You
  • Your beautiful soul
Posted 1 day ago.